Posts tagged as joke

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Thursday, July 26, 2018

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what…

Sniper

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper’s bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. “Hey, isn’t somebody going to kill that damned sniper?” The sergeant looked down at the general and replied: “I guess not, general. We’re scared that if we kill…

Who is wiser?

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It’s no good trying to outrun it. It’s catching up!” The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I’m not trying to outrun the lion, I’m trying to outrun you!”

Boss

Thursday, June 28, 2018

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A voice in the background says: “I’m offering 200!”

$100

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this…

The World Cup Final

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy. The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.” The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of…

A polar bear in a zoo

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo. So in other words, nothing is going to change.

How were people born?

Friday, May 4, 2018

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”…

New Hearing Aid

Friday, April 27, 2018

Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”…

Twelve million dollars for a pen

Friday, April 13, 2018

When Nasa first began sending astronauts into space, they were confronted by a small problem. Their standard ballpoint pens would not work in space. They spent a decade and twelve million dollars designing a pen that would work below three hundred degrees, in space, and on glass. Russia used a pencil.