Posts tagged as joke

The unexpected secrets of laughter

Saturday, January 26, 2019

US President Donald Trump was greeted with laughter in September when he told the UN that he had accomplished more than “almost any administration” in his country’s history. Mr Trump admitted that he “didn’t expect” that reaction – but that it was “just fine”. It was one example of the many reasons people laugh – and most of them are not because somebody is being particularly funny. Laughter is primarily a form…

The Robot

Monday, January 7, 2019

In the not to distant future a dad buys a ROBOT at a discount. The robot interface glitches and slaps the people who lie. (AT DINNER) DAD: Son,How’s school? SON: Great! We learned many things. ROBOT slapped SON SON: Ok,I went to the movies. DAD: What did you watch? SON: Toy Story 2 ROBOT slapped SON again SON: Ok, a rated R movie. DAD: I never watched movies like that.…

The 4 stages of life

Wednesday, December 26, 2018

The 4 stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus 3. You dress up as Santa Claus 4. You look like Santa Claus  

50 Funny, Clean Christmas Jokes That Will Get You In The Holiday Spirit

Monday, December 17, 2018

1. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life. 2. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had very low elf esteem. 3. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat? Hits a gnome and runs. 4. What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint-nickel-less. 5. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without…

A blonde girl visits football game

Friday, November 30, 2018

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well,…

Once upon a time

Friday, October 26, 2018

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought…

Election joke

Monday, October 15, 2018

“Daddy,” a little girl asked her father, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’? ” “No, sweetheart,” he answered. “Some begin with ‘If I am elected.'”

Spy joke

Friday, October 5, 2018

WARPED WISEMAN WONDERS: “Why is it called the Secret Service if everyone knows about it?”

Big Spender

Monday, October 1, 2018

I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.

Brexit: hard decision

Monday, September 24, 2018

“‘In and out’, it’s a very hard decision. It’s like the other day, my flatmate was making me a peppermint tea, and he said ‘would you like bag leaving in, or taken out?’ If you leave the bag in, on the whole the cup of tea itself will get stronger, and it might appear that the bag is getting weaker, but it’s now part of a stronger cup of tea.…