Posts tagged as joke

A blonde girl visits football game

Friday, November 30, 2018

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.” Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?” “Well,…

Once upon a time

Friday, October 26, 2018

Once upon a time there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly decided to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to Earth in a barnyard, nearly frozen solid. A cow passed by where he had fallen, and crapped on the little sparrow.The sparrow thought…

Election joke

Monday, October 15, 2018

“Daddy,” a little girl asked her father, “do all fairy tales begin with ‘Once upon a time’? ” “No, sweetheart,” he answered. “Some begin with ‘If I am elected.'”

Spy joke

Friday, October 5, 2018

WARPED WISEMAN WONDERS: “Why is it called the Secret Service if everyone knows about it?”

Big Spender

Monday, October 1, 2018

I had my credit card stolen the other day but I didn’t bother to report it because the thief spends less than my wife.

Brexit: hard decision

Monday, September 24, 2018

“‘In and out’, it’s a very hard decision. It’s like the other day, my flatmate was making me a peppermint tea, and he said ‘would you like bag leaving in, or taken out?’ If you leave the bag in, on the whole the cup of tea itself will get stronger, and it might appear that the bag is getting weaker, but it’s now part of a stronger cup of tea.…

A good excuse

Thursday, September 13, 2018

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.” The guy thinks…

Father and son

Monday, September 10, 2018

Bob was 16 and finally got hold of his driver’s license. In order to celebrate the special day, the whole family went out to the driveway and climbed into the car to enjoy his first official drive. However, dad went to the back seat, where he sat right behind his boy. When Bob saw his dad he said “Dad, you must be fed up of the front seat after teaching…

Singing

Monday, July 30, 2018

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.

???

Thursday, July 26, 2018

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what…