Posts tagged as joke

Brexit: hard decision

Monday, September 24, 2018

“‘In and out’, it’s a very hard decision. It’s like the other day, my flatmate was making me a peppermint tea, and he said ‘would you like bag leaving in, or taken out?’ If you leave the bag in, on the whole the cup of tea itself will get stronger, and it might appear that the bag is getting weaker, but it’s now part of a stronger cup of tea.…

A good excuse

Thursday, September 13, 2018

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he’s topping 100 mph. The man eventually realizes he can’t escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, “It’s been a long day and my shift is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I’ll let you go.” The guy thinks…

Father and son

Monday, September 10, 2018

Bob was 16 and finally got hold of his driver’s license. In order to celebrate the special day, the whole family went out to the driveway and climbed into the car to enjoy his first official drive. However, dad went to the back seat, where he sat right behind his boy. When Bob saw his dad he said “Dad, you must be fed up of the front seat after teaching…

Singing

Monday, July 30, 2018

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.

???

Thursday, July 26, 2018

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what…

Sniper

Tuesday, July 17, 2018

General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when a sniper’s bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with the greatest unconcern. The general yelled at a passing sergeant. “Hey, isn’t somebody going to kill that damned sniper?” The sergeant looked down at the general and replied: “I guess not, general. We’re scared that if we kill…

Who is wiser?

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

A scientist and a philosopher are being chased by a hungry lion. The scientist makes some quick calculations and says, “It’s no good trying to outrun it. It’s catching up!” The philosopher keeps a little ahead and replies, “I’m not trying to outrun the lion, I’m trying to outrun you!”

Boss

Thursday, June 28, 2018

A boss announces to his staff: “I’ve lost a wallet with 500 dollars, if you find it, I’m offering a 100 dollars finder’s fee!” A voice in the background says: “I’m offering 200!”

$100

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill, as this…

The World Cup Final

Tuesday, June 19, 2018

A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy. The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.” The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of…