“I spent five dollars for a weather app on my phone. I got two dollars and fifteen cents back in ‘climate change’.”
Posts tagged as joke
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
Interviewer: What drives you? Candidate: The bus mostly. Interviewer: I mean what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning? Candidate: Missing the bus!
A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss. The boss asks him, “What do you think is your worst quality?” The man says “I’m probably too honest.” The boss says, “That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality.” The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!”
My friend asked me, “What are your plans for the weekend?” I said, “I’m going to buy glasses.” She said, “And then what?” I replied, “Then I’ll see.”
Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: So, shall we cross? – The other shakes his head: “No way, look at what happened to the zebra.”
US President Donald Trump was greeted with laughter in September when he told the UN that he had accomplished more than “almost any administration” in his country’s history. Mr Trump admitted that he “didn’t expect” that reaction – but that it was “just fine”. It was one example of the many reasons people laugh – and most of them are not because somebody is being particularly funny. Laughter is primarily a form…
In the not to distant future a dad buys a ROBOT at a discount. The robot interface glitches and slaps the people who lie. (AT DINNER) DAD: Son,How’s school? SON: Great! We learned many things. ROBOT slapped SON SON: Ok,I went to the movies. DAD: What did you watch? SON: Toy Story 2 ROBOT slapped SON again SON: Ok, a rated R movie. DAD: I never watched movies like that.…
The 4 stages of life: 1. You believe in Santa Claus 2. You don’t believe in Santa Claus 3. You dress up as Santa Claus 4. You look like Santa Claus
1. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas? He was hooked on trees his whole life. 2. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed? Because he had very low elf esteem. 3. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat? Hits a gnome and runs. 4. What do you call a broke Santa Claus? Saint-nickel-less. 5. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa? A rebel without…